Blog DMF Blog

Is Jealousy in a Relationship Normal or Just Toxic? 

Clock  Jul 27, 2020       Clock  0 Comments

By Tiffany Villaluz 












They say, “jealousy is a curse”. Is jealousy in a relationship okay because it’s about love?

According to Merriam-Webster, (here is the link! the word jealous” is defined as:

  • Hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage
  • Intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness
  • Disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness
  • Vigilant in guarding a possession

Interesting right? Let’s break this down into how jealousy can affect romantic relationships and if it’s normal or just plain toxic.

In its most basic form, jealousy is a negative emotion that motivates us to protect our relationships from break up and infidelity.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a jealous person, or do you consider yourself to be a jealous person?

When jealousy rears its head in romance, the consequences can be…well, dire. In the early days of a relationship, jealousy can be viewed as a sign of love. However, it can be a destructive emotion regardless of whether the jealousy is directed towards a partner, work colleague or a family member.

Jealousy leads to anxiety because both jealousy and anxiety basically boil down to one common denominator, and that’s fear.

And in romantic situations, the fear of the jealous person is usually caused by not knowing if their partner truly loves them or not.

Of course, there is a “normal” level of jealousy. You know that little pang you feel in your heart that goes down to your gut when someone you don’t know stops to talk to your partner on the street. You haven’t got a clue who they are, but you immediately dislike them! Then the self-talk and questions start!

“Geez, they seem to know each other very well, Is she or he an ex-partner? Do they still have a thing for each other?  OMG my relationship is OVER!!

 Okay, that might be a bit exaggerated, but you must admit, you’ve been there, we all have!

However a little jealousy is also perfectly normal! It shows that you care for your partner and they will know it when they notice it happening, and so will you! It can also keep both parties on their toes, add a little spark and ego boost, and ensure complacency in a relationship doesn’t become the norm!

But jealousy can be a complex thing because it manifests as thoughts, feelings and behaviours that often lead to high tensions and anxiety.

Frequently, jealousy starts as insecurity, leads to suspicion and lack of trust, fear of loss, and can end in anger, and in worst case scenarios, violence.

Is there a difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy?

 Yes, but jealousy can be dangerous; it can make us possessive and behave in ways we normally wouldn’t. But without it, we’d never be able to bond with anyone or find love. And there’s your double-edged sword…

It can cause us to over think and over analyse our partner’s words and actions. It can create resentment and distrust between couples and that’s a one-way destination to the place jealous people fear most – Splitsville.

Have you ever felt tempted to check your partner’s text messages or the browsing history on their laptop? Ever looked a little too deep into their social media profiles only to misinterpret and misread comments, or get upset over photos from a time you weren’t even in your partner’s life?

Don’t do it. Just don’t.

The good news is that this is not a terminal emotion! And this applies to both people in a relationship, whether you’re the victim of a jealous partner or if you’re inclined to feel jealous of your partner in an unhealthy way.

So, the only question you have to answer is, what’s considered to be a healthy level of jealousy? If it’s not detrimental to any relationship then yes, it’s ok.


More articles on DMF Blog: