May 21, 2019 0 Comments
By Tiffany Villaluz
Online dating is an exciting opportunity to find a partner and meet people that you might otherwise never have come into contact with (and you can do it from the comfort and safety of your own home). The numbers confirm it: around 4.5 million Australians are using online dating sites.
But it’s also a minefield and can be very competitive. We often hear from both men and women that they feel the other party has been disrespectful or even rude, leading many singles to give up on online dating altogether. And with the impersonal nature of online dating, it’s not hard to see why. But really, dating online is no different to dating in real life. All you need to do is ask yourself how you would talk to the other person if you were interacting with them in person and go from there.
So with this in mind, our top tips for successful modern-day dating are to act respectfully, set realistic expectations, stay open-minded and keep going even if you haven’t found your match yet.
When someone messages you online, the ball is in your court. But don’t forget, even though you’re interacting online which can seem very impersonal, there’s a real person on the other end of the conversation. So be polite and respectful, but stick to your guns.
You don’t need to feel pressure to respond to every person that reaches out to you, but if someone has taken the time to write you a personalised, genuine note; it’s good manners to respond. You don’t have to meet them, or even have a conversation, but a brief, gently worded message will go a long way. Something along the lines of, ‘Thank you for your message, but I don’t see us as being a match. I wish you all the best in finding the right person.’ If they don’t get the message, that’s fine. You’ve done your best, time to delete them and move on.
Think about how you would like to be treated, and treat others accordingly. This goes for all stages of the process from being contacted to contact continuing and letting someone know if you’re no longer interested.
Dating successfully is all about managing expectations. Social media, movies and our modern-day dating culture have set the bar incredibly high in many ways. We’d suggest making a list of what you’re subconsciously looking for in a relationship and then think critically about whether it’s realistic. Would an ordinary person be able to live up to those expectations? And are they really important? Don’t forget, we all have our faults and shortcomings, you included.
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect person. It’s better to focus on a couple of key traits rather than a checklist of perfection that may be impossible to attain.
Online dating can be hard work in the beginning as you’ll need to have lots of conversations with many different potential matches.
It does take time to get to know a person. And it isn’t easy to judge upfront who might be a good person to date, and who wouldn’t be (are you possibly guilty of judging a book by its cover?). Yes, it is a challenge to get to know someone without any pre-conceived ideas of who or what they should be. If you’re dating online, don’t dismiss a potential match too quickly. And it’s essential not to forget how important respect is, especially in the early conversations.
These days we are all too quick to discount someone in the first few minutes of connecting with them. Do you think this is fair?
So remember, if you know the essential qualities that you’re looking for, such as kindness and respect, putting in the effort will be worth it in the long run.
And lastly, keep trying.
It can be tempting to give up when you feel like you keep striking out and have been let down by others’ disrespectful behaviours. But remember that there are other people in a similar situation to you, also looking to meet the right person with the same values as you. You can’t win if you’re not out there, it might just take a little time and patience.