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Finding It Hard to ‘Sell’ Yourself On Dating Websites? 

Clock  Mar 31, 2017       Clock  0 Comments

By Melissa Ferrari



The world of dating can be a tough one! It always has been and it’s not just online dating that can be blamed for making things more complicated. Relationships and starting new one’s have always been difficult. The difference nowadays is that more and more people try to date online and it adds some complexities. The biggest issue being that you have no idea who is at the other end of an email, a kiss or a wink. Whatever happened to being introduced through friends? Is that a thing of the past? Does a solid recommendation from someone’s friend still count? Being a couple therapist and dating coach for nearly 20 years I can vouch for the fact that a friend or family recommendation still counts greatly. There is nothing better than having a potential partner recommended to you by one of their close relative or friend who know them well. So, what’s the answer and  how do we combine online dating with good old fashioned friend introductions?

The answer may be here on this website called DateMyFriend. Tiffany who is the creator and director of this site came to me personally. Tiffany knew I had some insights into the world of dating so she jumped on a plane to meet with me so that I could go through the site and tell her what I thought. I have to say I loved the concept. Used safely I thought this just may help those dating online because I loved the concept of a friend helping you find a date or potentially a long-term relationship filled with all the delicious feelings of love, safety and security that we all so desire.

I agree with renowned therapist Esther Perel who says that introductions from friends can be very useful in the dating world. Esther Perel recommends in her blog How to Deal With Online Dating Fatigue to “put your friends on the case”. I also recommend Dr. Stan Tatkin’s book Wired For Dating. In this book he says that partners need to socially vet each other with both male and female friends, and family before they get serious about dating each other. On this site, it may not be your own friends or family vetting a potential date (so keep that in mind) but so long as the potential date is using this site in the careful and mindful way it’s intended you are getting someone who “knows” the person you are thinking about dating well enough to make some comments about them to help them out. That is a good sign that this person is valued enough by a friend. I can say that it doesn’t guarantee instant love or attraction but it does guarantee that this person (if the site is used correctly) is looking for someone to love and more than likely are the kind of people that get asked, “why aren’t you with someone when you have so much to offer?”

What are the benefits of friends vouching for you by writing your profile?

•  YOU don’t have to do it and try and “sell” yourself.

•  They can name characteristics about you that are positive that you may not be aware of.

•  Their opinion is subjective.

•  They can write the good things about you more generously than you may write it for yourself.

•  Or when you are viewing other profiles they are written by a friend?

•  The opinions are from people who “know” them.

•  The fact that a friend has taken the time to write a profile for someone says a lot about the type of people or friends they attract.

•  You get some insight into someone that you would not get if you read a profile written by themselves as an online dater. You get to read about someone’s subjective thoughts or experience about someone you may be thinking about dating or meet for the first time.

•  You get that extra security that this person has “friends” who will vouch for them.

Always remember that gathering information is a very important part of any dating process. Being centred and asking the right questions are paramount. This great new site helps enormously by introducing you to people who have had their profile written by a good friend but safety online is very important always.

Tips to safe online dating:

1. Tell a friend where you are going to meet a prospective date.

2. Give friends the person you’re going to meets phone number. Information like this is crucial to police should something go wrong.

3. Use a certain set of photos just for dating sites only. Don’t use a photo that can be searched on Google images. This can give out more information than you realise as it can match you to other webpages which provides personal details.

4. Don’t let them know where you live on the first date.

5. Meet in public places, go out of your neighbourhood so they have no clue to where you live or work.

6. Never let a date meet you at home/work or pick you up.

7. Block / report anyone suspicious or harassing.

8. Never use the internet for online dating while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

9. Take time to get to know someone before meeting but don’t leave it for weeks just talking online.

10. If you’re uncomfortable, get up and leave.

11. Don’t drink too much on the first date.

12. Remember dating websites can do all they can to keep you safe but sometimes there will be people misrepresenting themselves or their friends online.

13. Once in a relationship with someone you met online introduce them to your own friends and family. Listen to opinions and thoughts from people you value.

I wish you all the luck in the world to find your date or long term partner!

Keep safe and enjoy the wonderful new concept of

Melissa Ferrari – Psychotherapist/Couple Therapist/Dating Coach – 20 years exp.

“What I believe in is very simple. Most of us do better in healthy secure relationships. Part of my job is to help you find your way there.”

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